Trying Times
by Daughter of Nature
Summary: A series of ficlets about Neal's time as Alanna's squire.
1. Confrontations

Takes place right after Neal becomes Alanna's squire, and they are on the road to Pirate's Swoop.

* * *

"What's wrong?" asked Alanna, as she studied her new squire. They had already been on the road for an hour, and Alanna was only just waking up enough to realise that her squire was frowning and oddly silent.

Neal looked up, surprised, and shook his head before looking back down.

"I hope you don't think I'm having second thoughts, I should have warned you that I'm not much of a morning person."

Her squire shook his head again and mumbled incoherently.

"We've got to spend the next four years together; you might as well tell me what's wrong."

Neal turned his head to look at her again. "It's just something silly, you don't need to worry."

Alanna snorted. "I'm not worrying. But sometimes it helps to talk."

Sensing that she wasn't about to leave him alone anytime soon, Neal slumped in his saddle. "I think Kel's mad at me," he told her, his voice barely audible above the horse's hooves.

Alanna shifted in her saddle, uncomfortable at the topic that had been brought up. _Why did I have to ask? _"Raoul's an old friend of mine. He'll take good care of Kel," she said awkwardly.

Neal bristled. "Kel can take care of herself!"

"I didn't mean it like that. You're putting words in my mouth, Queenscove," Alanna snapped. Neal flinched at the tone of her voice and Alanna immediately regretted it. _George would laugh,_ she thought. _It hasn'__t even been a full morning__ and he's terrified of me._ "Continue," she ordered.

Neal looked as though he'd rather do anything but keep on talking. He fixed his gaze on his saddle. "I've never seen her mad at me before, but she has every right to be. Dreams die so hard, and she's wanted to be your squire for so long. She's not even allowed to meet you, and now her best friend is your squire." He paused. "I feel like I've stolen you from her."

Alanna frowned as she thought. "Firstly, I am a human being, and not an object that is able to be owned or stolen by anyone." Neal managed a faint smile before she continued. "Secondly, I think Kel has known for a long time why she can't be my squire."

Neal sighed. "I know…I just don't want her to be mad at me forever." He gave a wry smile. "I'd miss ignoring her telling me to eat my vegetables."

A wolfish grin spread over Alanna's face. "You don't like vegetables?"

Neal shuddered and shook his head vehemently as Alanna laughed. "You just made a big mistake by telling me that."

Neal looked horrified.

_Remember that for future blackmail,_ Alanna told herself. _Baird told me he's stubborn._ Clearing her throat, she spoke again. "I think she was just shocked. You should let her have some time to get used to the idea."

Neal looked slightly relieved. "I know you would have preferred Kel too," he said softly.

Alanna looked uncomfortable again. "I won't insult you by lying, Neal. I would have liked Kel to be my squire. But just like Kel, I can understand why she can't be. And don't go thinking that you haven't earned this in your own right. You have. I'm not just taking you because you're her best friend or anything. It's also important that you learn how to heal. Does that settle all your questions?"

Neal nodded. "Thanks. And…I'm sorry." Alanna knew what he meant without asking. "I just wish you could tell Kel everything you've told me too."

"I know," replied Alanna. "I think I've known for a while that she can't be my squire, and I'll even admit that I can see that it makes sense, but what really hurts is that I can't even talk to her." She noticed Neal staring. "What – surely you knew that Jon won't let me near her?"

"No, I know that," blurted Neal. "I'm just surprised because everybody knows about your temper, it's legendary, but I just never realised that you're human enough to get hurt like everybody else does." His eyes widened and he clamped a hand over his mouth, horrified by what he had said and expecting a 'legendary' outburst from his new knight-mistress.

To his complete surprise, Alanna threw back her head and roared with laughter.

He scowled. "It's not funny."

Alanna wiped her streaming eyes as she continued to chuckle.

Neal decided that he needed to change the subject. "What were you going to say before?"

Alanna waited until she could talk without laughing. "Just that I would have liked to be able to meet her. Be able to talk to her and help her – not with my Gift, but with little things like strengthening her arms and shoulders, and how to fight with different weapons against larger opponents. I think having another female to talk about women's things would've helped her too, things like becoming a woman, and her first crush, and-"

Neal sat bolt upright. "What?! Kel's never had a crush!"

Alanna raised her eyebrows. "How would you know?"

"She just…she wouldn't."

"But you don't know for sure."

"Yes… well, no, but she would've told me – I'm her best friend."

"You know how much she had to lose if she got involved with any of the boys."

"Well, yes, but she still would have told me. _Everybody _knows if I like one of the Court ladies."

Alanna rolled her eyes. _Men._ "What if it was one of your friends?"

Neal didn't look quite so sure of himself. "But I'm her _best_ friend."

Alanna looked thoughtful. "And what if it was you?"

"_Me?_"

"Well it could've been. Would she have told you then?"

Neal sat in stunned silence.

"Surely it wouldn't be terrible if it was."

"No…I don't know," he answered honestly. "But she should have given us a chance at least."

"I was only hypothesizing."

"How long does a girl's first crush last?"

"I don't know, it's not like all girls are the same!" she replied indignantly.

"About two days?" guessed Neal.

"Two _days?!"_

"Well I thought it was a reasonable guess. Mine was two hours."

Alanna rolled her eyes again. _Typical_, she thought._Men._ "Whoever it was, she'll probably be over it by now." She saw the look on his face and added "And don't even think about confronting her about any of it. A girl's crush, especially her first one, is a very sensitive thing."

He looked at her thoughtfully and opened his mouth.

"Don't even think about asking me that."

He blushed and changed the subject with a grin. "I'm hungry."

"We'll stop to water the horses at the stream in about an hour." She laughed as his stomach growled. "We, however, can eat as we ride." She pulled out a pair of carrots and two apples from her saddlebags and threw one of each to him.

He looked confused. "Are these for the horses?"

She laughed again. "No, they're for you." She bit into her carrot with a loud crunch. "They're nice and fresh and juicy."

Neal glared at her. "That's not fair!"

She smiled sweetly at him. "They're good for you. Now eat."


	2. Appropriate titles

"Yes, um…sir." Neal frowned. "Am I supposed to call you sir?"

Alanna gave a wry smile. "If I was male, then yes. I suppose you still could, but it's…"

"Bland?"

"Exactly."

"How about Sir Alanna?"

"I only use that for formal occasions."

"And winding up the conservatives," pointed out Neal. He grinned cheekily at her. "I've heard about the council meetings from my father."

Alanna rolled her eyes. "Just you wait until Roald makes the mistake of naming you chief healer and _you_ have to go to council meetings."

"I resent that!" exclaimed Neal. "I'm a perfectly capable healer, I'll have you know." He saw her raised eyebrow. "Well I will be when you've finished with me."

Alanna laughed. "That brings us right back to our little problem." She bit her lip as she thought.

"Lady Alanna?"

"Yes?"

"No, I mean should I call you Lady Alanna?"

"Oh." Alanna pulled a face. "You should be able to guess what I think of that."

"But you answered to it."

"I was busy thinking."

Neal decided to change the subject and grinned. "How about 'my Lady'?"

"I don't think there's anything worse."

"My most beauteous and delicate Lady?"

"Apparently I was wrong."

"How about knight-mistress?"

"Are you deliberately trying to wind me up?"

"Of course not, my mistress."

"Shut it, Nealan, you know what that implies."

Neal scowled. "Don't call me that."

"Well then, don't call me _that_."

They were silent for several minutes until Neal suggested "Why don't I call you 'Lioness'?"

Alanna shook her head. "No, that's my war name. I don't like getting called that every day."

Neal looked thoughtful. "I want a war name."

Alanna raised an eyebrow. "Somehow, I don't think 'the Daffodil' or 'Meathead' would really put fear into the enemies' hearts."

Neal glared at her. "How did you know about that?"

Alanna grinned at him. "I have my sources."

Ten minutes later, Alanna announced "I've got it."

"What?"

"You can call me Alanna."

"Alanna what?"

Alanna scowled. "Just Alanna."

Neal swallowed. "I can't call you that!"

"It's my name, it's meant to be used."

"I know, milady, and it's a very pretty name, but-" Neal stopped, realising that it sounded like he was flirting with her. "Um…I'm sorry, milady, I didn't mean to imply…"

Alanna grinned as he squirmed. "Apology accepted…so long as you stop calling me 'milady'."

"But I can't call you by your name, it shows a lack of respect."

"No, it doesn't, and don't argue with me. Now say my name."

Neal shook his head.

"Neal…"

He shook his head again.

"Squire Nealan, I order you to say my name."

Neal gulped. "A-Alanna."

"There. Now was that hard?"

"Yes."

"_Nealan_…"

"No."

"Good." Alanna gave a satisfied smirk. "Trust me Neal, I have plenty of other ways of making you respect me."

Neal shuddered. He didn't know what she meant, but whatever it was, it was sure to be painful.


	3. Handwriting

Takes place in the second week of Neal being Alanna's squire.

* * *

"We have to keep on top of your academic studies as well as your fighting skills," Alanna informed her squire.

Neal looked up hopefully. "Books?"

Alanna grinned. "Not yet. First you get mathematics."

Neal groaned as Alanna passed over the parchment she had written the problems out on.

"Solve those," she told him. "And be quick about it. When you're a knight, you can't spend all day doing simple calculations for supplies or running your lands."

Neal glared at her and looked down at the paper in his hand. He frowned and scrutinized the handwriting closely. _Something looks familiar about this__… _He gasped and looked up at her with wide eyes. "It's you!"

Alanna suppressed a smile and arched an eyebrow. "Is there a problem with my handwriting, squire?"

"It's you. _You_ sent those secret gifts to Kel. The bruise balm, the dagger, everything."

The Lioness snorted. "You find that hard to believe?"

"Well, no. I always had my suspicions."

"Oh?"

"Firstly, they were all valuable gifts, some containing extremely powerful magic. So I knew it had to be someone with a lot of money, and access to such a strong gift." Alanna, embarrassed, fought the urge to bite her lip as Neal continued. "And I heard about your argument with the king – well, most the palace has, so that's no surprise really…but I figured that from what I've heard of you, you wouldn't give up on Kel so easily."

Laughter rang out from the doorway as George entered the room. "He's got you cornered, lass."

Alanna rolled her eyes at him. "It's impolite to eavesdrop. How much did you hear?"

George grinned. "Enough." He dug a hand in his pocket and retrieved a gold noble, flicking it across the room to his wife, who caught it deftly in one hand and tucked it away. George grinned at Neal. "We had a bet going on how long it would take you to figure it out."

Neal managed a wry smile. "Obviously she won. How long were you betting for?"

George shook his head. "You don't want to know. Let's just say that being sceptical is in my line of work."

"And what's that?"

Alanna gave an almost imperceptible shake of her head towards George before speaking. "We'll save that for later." Changing the subject, she added "So are you planning on telling Kel our little secret?"

"And ruin the surprise in four year's time? Besides, if I did, it wouldn't be a secret."

Alanna snorted. "I should think that much is obvious."

George produced another gold noble and flicked it to Alanna again. She grinned at him. "You should really learn to be more trusting, laddybuck."

"I trust you," he pointed out with a crooked grin. "Not the children though, especially our Aly. And definitely not with my back turned." Alanna shook her head with a smile as he continued. "Besides…"

"Let me guess," piped up Neal. "Being mistrustful is in this mysterious line of work?"

"That it is," laughed the baron. He clapped Neal on the shoulder. "I guess it looks like I should've had more faith in ye, lad."


	4. Healing Lesson One

Neal opened the study door to find his knight-mistress seated behind her desk – wearing a low-cut pale creamy-golden dress.

"What?" Alanna asked as her squire stared.

"I-I-you…you're wearing a dress!"

"Well, it's what I put on this morning, so I'd be worried if I wasn't," she answered tartly.

"But-but you…"

"Have you got a problem with that, _Nealan_?"

"No, and I asked you not to call me that,_mistress_"

Alanna's eyes narrowed. "Sit."

Neal sat.

"It's time for you to start learning your healing. Today, you are going to learn about the human body."

Neal pointed to the paper in front of Alanna. "What's all that for then?"

"Diagrams."

He stared. "But I know what the human body looks like."

"Name and describe all the parts of the male anatomy, then."

"Excuse me?"

"The male anatomy, Neal. Today we are going to study the male and female anatomy."

"You mean _girl_ parts?"

"Is that not what I said? A thorough knowledge of the parts of the human body is essential for healing, as you ought to know."

"But…perhaps it would be better if I were to talk this over with the Baron?"

"Is my husband a healer?"

"No."

"Is he your knight-master?"

"No."

"Is there any reason why you would be incapable of discussing this with me?"

"…"

"Neal?"

"…"

"Nealan!_"_

"No…"

"Then we're settled."

"But, um…mila-"

"Alanna."

Neal gulped. "Alanna. Do we have to draw diagrams?"

"No." Neal sighed in relief. "Since you're male, and I'm female, we can simply point out the parts we are referring to on ourselves, if you prefer. It will benefit your learning just as much as diagrams."

Neal looked horror-stricken. "Diagrams are fine," he croaked.

Alanna hid a grin and began to draw the male anatomy.

* * *

If Neal thought discussing the male anatomy was mortifying, it was nothing compared to when Alanna started on the female anatomy.

"Breasts," she announced, as Neal flushed scarlet. "First I will explain the details of breast-feeding."

Neal gaped. "There are actual details? I always thought it was just like milking a cow."

Alanna struggled to keep a straight face. "_Excuse_ me?"

Neal paled as he realised what he had just said, and to whom. "Milady, I wasn't think-"

"It's Alanna," she replied curtly, as she fought to keep her voice even. "And I should hope that you weren't thinking if you say something like that. Now, after the birth, which I will explain later, the mother…"

* * *

As she continued to talk, Neal found it was getting harder and harder to keep from looking at inappropriate places. _Stop __it,_ he thought furiously as he felt his face flush. _Concentrate on the diagrams._ He forced himself to focus on the diagrams, but the more he tried to distract himself, the more he felt his eyes drawn to the area she was discussing. _That dress really is low-cut…no, Neal, that's d__isgusting,_ he chided himself._ Look up to her face and pay attention._ He tore his eyes away, and looked up to her face – to find that she had stopped drawing her diagram, and was instead directing her violet gaze straight at him. _Oh, no. No, no, no. Mithros, don't let her have noticed…does she know how disturbing those eyes are when she's staring?_

Alanna leaned back in her chair. "George!" she called.

Neal's face turned white. _Black God, I repent my sins-_

George appeared in the doorway from his study next door. "Yes, lass?"

Alanna held out her hand. "Ten gold nobles."

_What?_

George echoed his thoughts. "What?"

"You know why."

George scowled. "He didn't."

Alanna raised an eyebrow, and George counted ten gold nobles into her hand, before turning to fix Neal with a warning glare. "Looks like I had far, far too much faith in you."

Neal flushed and scrambled out the door.

* * *

"Now look what you've done," scolded Alanna with a grin. "You've scared him away, and we haven't even finished the lesson yet."

"He should be scared, too," muttered George.

"Sore loser? I knew I would win - you men are all the same."

George scowled even more. "If he was respectable, he wouldn't have given me any reason at all to lose that bet."

"Since when are you respectable?" Alanna laughed.

George hadn't even heard her – he was gaping. "You're wearing a dress."

"I've already had that pointed out to me, thank you."

"You were encouraging him!"

"I can wear a dress if I want to."

"You provoked him into looking."

Alanna smirked. "You can't prove it."

"That's not fair. Look how much it shows!"

Alanna's smirk grew wider. "The terms of the bet didn't specify what I could or couldn't wear."

George gasped, like a Player acting mortally wounded. "You little tease," he scolded, with a twinkle in his hazel eyes. "It's just as well you never finished your lesson – I hate to think what you might have done."

"I could've done something like this." She slowly drew her skirts up above her knee and crossed her legs delicately.

"You _are_ a tease."

"Or this." She kicked her shoes off slowly, and put her feet up on her desk, causing her skirts to fall back to her mid-thigh.

George responded by kissing her, then reaching around her to grasp the back of her chair. He carefully lowered it backwards until it reached the ground as he leaned over her. She kissed his forehead, and then wrapped her arms and legs around him.

"George, the door's wide open. Neal might gather enough courage to come back." She grinned up at him. "Although, with the look that was on your face, I don't think he'll be leaving his room until dinnertime."

George straightened and kissed her again, before flipping her around effortlessly so that he cradled her in his arms. "All the same, I think we should find somewhere…more appropriate." He carried her out the door, across the hallway, and up the stairs to their bedchamber, and then deposited her gently on the bed. "Now, where were we?"

Alanna grinned and began to unbutton his shirt. "We were just beginning to study the male and female anatomy."

George chuckled. "Sounds good to me, lass."


	5. Monthlies

Neal looked terrified as he edged around the study door.

Alanna smiled. "There you are. Come and have a seat in front of the desk."

Neal obeyed slowly, looking as though he would rather be anywhere but there.

"We will be finishing our lesson from yesterday," announced Alanna as soon as he was seated. "First we are going to discuss a woman's monthly cycle. What do you know of this already?"

Neal looked at her blankly.

Alanna sighed. "We'll start at the beginning."

* * *

Twenty minutes later, Neal was staring at her aghast. "You-you mean that all women have _blood_ pouring out of them once a month?"

"It doesn't _pour_, and it's not all blood," replied Alanna. "It's also-"

"I know, I know, you told me," interrupted Neal hurriedly.

"It's not _all_ women either," continued Alanna. "Most women won't start until they're between about eight and fourteen, and –"

She was interrupted by Neal choking.

"What are you choking on?" she asked. "You weren't eating anything. Don't tell me you were stupid enough to choke on your own spit _again_."

Neal recovered himself and glared at her. "_Kel's_ fourteen now. Does that mean she has blood pouring out of her once a month?"

Alanna shrugged. "Probably. And I _told_ you, it doesn't _pour_."

Neal was beginning to turn green. "What about Daine?"

Alanna looked at him sharply. "Why do you want to know about Daine?"

"I-I…no reason."

"Pretty girl, isn't she?" asked Alanna conversationally.

"Yes…well, um no, I don't know…I never really noticed," stammered Neal. "She's always with that mage anyway."

Alanna smiled. "Ah yes, Numair. Another very good friend of mine."

Neal paled as Alanna grinned further. "Now what were you wanting to know about Daine?"

"N-nothing."

"Back to the lesson then. You need to learn how to take care of a woman when she has her monthlies. Luckily, you can learn the basics when I have my monthlies. As-"

Neal's eyes were widening. "You have blood –"

"Don't you dare say pouring."

"That _thing_, too?"

"Well, I'm a woman, aren't I? I'm not so old that they've stopped yet. Now don't interrupt me. As I told you before, monthlies are often accompanied by cramps in the lower belly, and sometimes sore or tender breasts and dizziness. Now, I often find that a massage in the afflicted areas helps to soothe the pain, -"

Neal leapt to his feet. "I am _not_ doing that."

Alanna raised an eyebrow. "I wouldn't want you to." She continued to talk as Neal tried to decide whether to be relieved or affronted. "As I was saying, I often find that a massage in the afflicted areas helps to soothe the pain, but I only let George do that, and it would be inappropriate for you to treat female patients as such."

"You don't say," muttered Neal.

"Therefore," announced Alanna, "You are going to learn how to make herbal teas to assist with this type of pain. Moreover, you are going to practice making this tea for me whenever I have my monthlies, which coincidentally, is now. Also, as we discussed, if a woman is very close friends with other women, their cycles will often run simultaneously. If I have my monthlies, and one or more of Onua, Buri, Daine or Thayet are visiting, you will also bring them a cup of herbal tea when you bring mine. Understood?"

Neal was silent.

"Neal?"

More silence.

"_Nealan!_"

Neal was gaping. "You-you mean the _Queen_ has blood pouring out of her once a month?"


	6. Tea

Alanna cornered Neal after his mid-morning, post-training bath.

"Thayet, Buri, Sarge, Daine and Numair are here," she informed him. "I have my monthlies. You know what that means." At Neal's blank look she gave an exasperated sigh and rolled her eyes. "When you bring our lunch along, you will bring herbal teas for myself and the other women, as they have their monthlies too. We'll be in the downstairs parlour, the one next to the library." She glanced out the window before adding "And hurry up, it's not long 'til noon, and they had an early start from Corus." She turned back to head downstairs before he could get a word in edgeways.

"Hello Neal," greeted Thayet as he edged into the room carrying the drinks. He was followed by servants carrying platters of food, and drinks for the men. "I was wondering when we'd see you. How's she been treating you?"

"Well, I've had plenty new bumps and bruises to practice my healing on." Neal grinned as he put a cup of tea in front of her. "But Majesty, I'm afraid she'd kill me if I said any more of the truth."

Thayet laughed. "Thanks Neal, but why the formality? You've always called me Thayet in the past."

Neal smiled patiently. "I was but a child, Majesty. I'm now a squire, which calls for more…seriousness."

"You?" interrupted Alanna. "You serious, my –" George clapped a hand over her mouth and kissed her cheek.

"Lucky you've got me here to watch that mouth of yours, lass," he murmured in her ear, as he removed his hand. "Besides, at times that lad's so overly serious that it worries me."

"Neal, your father, along with Alanna, delivered every single one of my children," continued Thayet. "I think that justifies a reduction in formalities, does it not?"

Neal blushed, remembering Alanna's Extremely Detailed lessons on the Horrors of Childbirth, and decided to let the conversation drop as quickly as possible. "As you wish," he muttered, as he placed herbal teas in front of Buri and Daine. Buri looked at hers suspiciously, while Daine smiled at him warmly and thanked him, causing him to colour even further. He was just beginning to feel pleased with himself for not dropping anything as he placed the final cup of tea in front of his knight-mistress, when Thayet spoke up again.

"What is it, Neal?"

Neal blinked. "What's what?"

"This." Thayet gestured to the cup in front of her.

"Oh, it's tea, Majes- um….Thayet." He could feel Alanna's eyes boring into his back.

"Neal, you need to be more specific than that," she instructed from behind him.

"It's herbal tea," he expanded. He heard Alanna's huff and irritated intake of breath even before she began to speak.

"When giving patients treatment, you need to be able to tell them_ exactly_ what it is."

"Patients? Treatment?" asked Buri, eyeing her tea with further suspicion. "I'm not sure I like the sound of that…"

"But, my La-…er, Sir…" began Neal.

"No 'buts' about it. And these are my friends, Neal, you know that you're allowed to call me Alanna. Now you will turn back _immediately_ and answer Thayet's question _properly_."

Neal blushed scarlet and gulped as he turned back to face the Queen. "It's a herbal tea for your monthlies, Majesty," he blurted out, and fled the room as they burst out laughing at his embarrassment.


	7. Sleeping

Sir Alanna of Pirate's Swoop and Olau descended the stairs in the Crow's Wing Inn to find her squire looking confused in the midst of a bunch of drunken, rowdy, laughing men.

"Neal!" she called over the din as she approached. "Did you order our meals like I told you to?"

"Yes," he replied. "I-"

He was cut off by the loud cheers and catcalls that erupted from the nearby men.

"Well hello there sweetheart!" called one.

"We've just been hearing all about you," added another, as he waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Alanna raised an eyebrow at Neal, who shrugged.

"Hey copper, I think you could be saving your coins and sharing a room with me tonight!" shouted the drunkest of them all with a lusty wink. "I sure am feeling a little frisky tonight!" This was met by whistles and cheers from the others.

Alanna wrinkled her nose in disgust and looked him up and down, before fixing him with her perfected _I'm too good for you _look, and answering with "I think not". She grabbed Neal's arm and steered him away. "We'll have our meals brought upstairs."

Back in Alanna's room, she pushed Neal onto the bed and stood in front of him, arms crossed. "What was that all about?"

"Nothing really, they were just being silly."

"They said they'd been hearing about me. What did you tell them?"

"It was them that asked!"

"Asked _what_?"

"What you were like in bed."

"They _what_?"

"Asked what you were like in bed."

Alanna sighed and rubbed her forehead, and then sat down at the desk, propping her head in her hands. "Well, what did you say?"

"That from my experiences so far, you sleep well, and…"

Alanna rolled her eyes. "And what?"

"Yousnorealot."

"What?"

"You snore a lot."

Alanna's head slumped forward until it banged onto the desk.

"…that didn't sound good," commented Neal.

Alanna gave a muffled sigh and straightened up again. "They weren't asking how I sleep, they were asking what I'm like in bed."

"That's the same thing."

"No, it isn't. _Think _Neal."

"Yes, it-"

"_In bed."_

Neal stared at her blankly.

"Sex, Neal."

"What?!"

"_Sex."_

"What?!" Neal's voice rose about an octave.

"SEX!" bellowed Alanna, before remembering where they were.

A knock sounded on the door, and Alanna opened it redfaced to find the maid delivering their meals.

After she had left again, Alanna turned back to Neal to find him still sitting on the bed, mouth gaping.

"Why would they be asking me about..you know?"

"Sex?"

He nodded.

"They were asking how I was."

"Exactly. Why would I know? They should ask George."

This time it was the wall that had Alanna's head banged on it. Neal winced and decided to wait for her to talk.

"First, George isn't here. Second, they were insinuating that it was _you_ I'd been sleeping with."

Neal stared, horrified. "You…and me…?"

She nodded.

"You…and me…having…you know?"

"Sex? Yes."

"EWWWWWWWWWWWWW! EWW! Ew ew ew ew EWWWWWWWWWWWW!"

"The feeling's mutual, you know."

"Thank the gods for that."

"…although I think I'd take you over that drunken creep downstairs any day."

"_EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!"_

"Just saying! I'm not that desperate."

Neal was rocking backwards and forwards on her bed, looking traumatised.

"Look Neal, surely you've realised that people have been saying that about us?"

"About us having…you know...?"

"Sex. Yes."

"Ew."

"I agree. Ew."

"_Ew!_"

"I know. Just…don't take it personally. It's not really to do with you, it's to do with me. Ever since my secret got out, I've been accused of bedding every man I've laid eyes on. I really don't know how I'd find enough hours in the day…but that's not the point. The point is that you've got to ignore it. Trust me, you'll get used to it after a while. Just keep your chin up and ignore them all."

"But ewww."

"I know. Come on, it's time for bed soon and your dinner's getting cold." She handed him his tray. "Take that with you next door and get a good night's sleep. We've got an early start tomorrow morning."

He took the tray and headed for the door.

"Good night, Neal."

"G'night Alanna. Sleep well."

She grinned as his eyes widened. "No, wait! Don't sleep well! I mean…no, I mean-"

"Good night, Neal."

"_Ew_," he muttered. "Um… good night."

Alanna closed and locked the door behind him. She flopped down on the bed, exhausted from the day's ride and the evening events. She gave up on getting undressed, and instead wriggled under the covers fully clothed. A forgotten part of the conversation with Neal popped into her head just as she was drifting off to sleep. _Hey_, was her last thought. _I do _not_ snore._


	8. Anniversary

"Neal! This is sloppy swordsmanship, and it's utterly unacceptable."

Her squire sighed. "I'm sorry. I was just…it won't happen again." He raised his sword again, and let her begin with the attack again.

Less than a minute later, Alanna threw her wooden practice sword to the ground in frustration. "You're not paying attention at all," she grumbled. "I expect you to give this your full concentration."

"I know, I know," he said. "I'm sorry."

His knight-mistress frowned. "You'd better not have your mind on any of the ladies."

"I don't. I swear I don't. I'll do better this time."

"No," she snapped. "I'm sick of this, it's hopeless. You've been saying that for the last half hour. We'll spend the rest of the afternoon on your studies and I expect a much higher standard tomorrow."

Neal nodded and followed her, both of them stripping off their protective gear at the door to the practice court.

Alanna opened a book and laid out a map on the desk. "It's time to do some history. As important as it is, we've been focusing too much on healing lately. Today we're going to look at the Immortals War."

Neal stared at her, openmouthed. It looked as though he was about to say something, but he bit his tongue and nodded.

"You're to read these three paragraphs here," she told him, pointing them out in the book. "And then you'll report to me on the major details. Understood?" He nodded again and she busied herself with paperwork.

Fifteen minutes passed, and she looked up at him. "Neal? Are you still going? You're usually much quicker than this."

"What?" he blinked and then looked at her. "Oh. I, um…sorry."

"How much of it have you read?" She swore when he said nothing, causing him to cringe. "It's three paragraphs, it's not difficult. You've been completely useless all day!"

"I'm sorry. But…could we please do something else, just for today? Maybe mathematics?"

She slammed her fists on the desk and stood up. "So now you think I'm not good enough to teach you? You think that you can decide what you learn?"

"No, I don't. I know it's important to learn about. It's just that…well, my brother. He um, he died in the Immortals War."

Her face softened a little. "I know. But a lot of people, myself included, knew someone who died in the war. It doesn't mean we can completely ignore it."

"I know," he replied. "I really do. But it's just been on my mind all day already and I'm having trouble focusing because it's been five years today since…since…" He swallowed and looked down.

"You mean today is the anniversary of your brother's death?" she asked softly.

He nodded, not meeting her eyes. "And I know I shouldn't let myself linger on the past, but I keep on thinking about how much I miss him."

She walked around the desk, and Neal stood up too, unsure of what she would do. Unexpectedly, she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him hard. He was even more surprised to find that he felt slightly comforted.

"I'm sorry," she was saying. "You should've let me know, I'd have given you the day off. Being upset over a loved one's death is nothing to be ashamed of. Jon found out the hard way that it's disastrous to try to get me to do anything on the anniversary of his coronation." She felt him look at her and took a step away to look back up at him. "Sometimes these things never go away. You can get used to it, and even think that you're fine with it, and then when you least expect it, it just hits you. Sometimes you just need to take some time to yourself and let yourself be sad or cry or just be alone, or whatever it is that you feel like you need. You shouldn't let it rule your life, but you've got to make the occasional allowance for yourself."

He swallowed again and nodded uncomfortably.

"You can have the rest of the day off," she told him. "And we'll leave studying this until after our trip to the Palace in two weeks."

He managed a grateful smile for her. "Thank you for understanding."

He was just about to go out the door when she spoke again. "Neal?" He turned. "You will let me know if something else like this comes up, won't you?"

He nodded slowly. "I will. Thank you."

"You know that I'm here if you need to talk about it, or if you decide that you don't want to be alone."

"Thank you," he said again. "But I think I just need some time to myself."

She nodded and gave him a small smile, and he shut the door, feeling that a weight had been lifted from his shoulders.


End file.
